Ep. 165: What You’ve Been Getting Wrong About Sex (And How to Fix It) - 1

Are you ready to rethink everything you know about sex? Have you ever wondered why your desire fluctuates, if size really matters, or why good sex sometimes feels out of reach? In this groundbreaking episode, I tackle the myths that have been holding you back from the passionate, fulfilling sex life you deserve. From the truth about Viagra and Cialis to spontaneous and responsive desire to the surprising role of testosterone in women’s sexual health, I uncover what no one else is telling you.

I also dive into why penis size matters more than you think, how non-surgical vaginal rejuvenation can transform your intimacy, and why relying on quick fixes like Trimix could be doing more harm than good. This episode is packed with insights and solutions to help you create a more satisfying and joyful sex life. Your best sex life is waiting. Let’s break the barriers together.

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Transcript

What You’ve Been Getting Wrong About Sex (And How to Fix It) - 1

Welcome to America’s top sexuality podcast, Dr. Sex Fairy! I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, America’s favorite sex doctor, and I am here to transform your life. Today’s episode is titled "What You’ve Been Getting Wrong About Sex (And How to Fix It)." This episode is the very first of 2025, and it is also the first of a multi-episode series. It will challenge your assumptions, break down some major myths, and leave you with the tools you need to create a more satisfying and passionate sex life. 

You’ve got to believe me when I tell you that sex is one of the most misunderstood aspects of our lives. There is so much misinformation and societal pressure around what it should feel like, what it should look like, or even mean. Let’s start by busting some of the most common myths and providing real solutions: 

Myth 1: Desire Should Be Spontaneous

The problem is that many people believe that sexual desire should just come naturally, like a lightning bolt that strikes you out of nowhere. This myth is not only false but also damaging. It creates a sense of inadequacy when partners don’t feel instant desire, and this leads to a lot of frustration and misunderstandings in relationships.

I want you to understand that while spontaneous desire is real for most people some of the time, most experience what is called responsive desire. This means that arousal builds when the right conditions are in place: physical touch, emotional connection, or even just a relaxed, stress-free environment. Think of it as lighting a fire—it takes some time and effort to build the flame. Prioritize time for intimacy, even if it’s as simple as a 20-second hug or a lingering kiss—both of which have been scientifically shown to release oxytocin and build connection. After you listen to this episode till the very end, listen to Episode 134 of the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast “How a 6-Second Kiss & 20-Second Hug Can Transform Your Life” for more on this topic.

While romance novels and porn can skew your expectations from others and yourself, responsive desire thrives when stress is low, trust is high, and connection is prioritized. A very common but ignored cause of low desire or libido is hormonal imbalance. Testosterone for men is all the rage, but it is often prescribed incorrectly. Many of the hormone pill mills that are popping up on every corner are only checking for testosterone and not other relevant hormones and blood levels such as thyroid and vitamin D. And what about women and testosterone? How come your doctor has never mentioned that to you? 

Daily Mail interviewed me about this topic in September 2024. You see, actress Kate Winslet openly admitted to being on testosterone therapy, and talked about its effect on her sex life. Suddenly people were talking about it. I have been talking about it for years. If you are interested in learning more about testosterone and what it can do for your sex life, desire and overall intimate wellness whether you are a man or a woman, listen to “Ep. 146: 6 Shocking Truths About Testosterone.”

Clearly, desire is about more than just being attracted to your partner. To discuss this further with me, schedule a virtual or in-office medical consultation or coaching call by calling my Boca Raton, Florida practice Bawa Medical at1-877-DRSEXFAIRY or 561-453-2020. You can also order US-made Dr. Sex Fairy Supplements Renew (my testosterone booster), Enhance (my nitric oxide and blood flow booster) and Passion (my libido and performance booster). My supplements are pharmaceutical grade and have shown incredible results in the people taking them. You can order Dr. Sex Fairy Supplements at drsexfairy.com or use the link in the podcast description. We ship globally so it doesn't matter where you are in the world. We can get you the supplements anytime and anywhere.

Myth 2: Men Are Always in the Mood for Sex

Society has perpetuated the myth that men are constantly in the mood for sex and that women often roll over complaining about an imaginary headache. This myth not only sets unrealistic expectations for men but also dismisses the very real factors that can influence male libido, such as stress, fatigue, and multiple health issues. This myth is also very unfair to women because it paints them as Debbie Downers when that isn't the case at all. There are plenty of women who come to me for help with their sex life complaining that their partner doesn't seem to want sex at all.

The solution is to acknowledge that men, like women, experience fluctuations in libido. Stressful workdays, family responsibilities, or low testosterone can all dampen desire. Don’t forget that even medications can lower libido. Open communication is key. Men should feel comfortable discussing their feelings and challenges with their partners without fear of judgment. It is also worth exploring solutions for low libido, such as testosterone optimization and lifestyle changes like improved diet and exercise. It is normal for desire to ebb and flow, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. As I stated earlier, order my Dr. Sex Fairy Supplements at drsexfairy.com or use the link in the podcast description, and call me at 561-453-2020 to discuss your own challenges and goals, and we can discuss ways to get you back on track.

Myth 3: Penis Size Doesn’t Matter

While it is often said that size doesn’t matter, the truth is more nuanced. Some studies state that women are not concerned about penis size but there are also very reliable studies that indicate that many women prefer a penis size larger than average, with girth being a significant factor in their sexual satisfaction. The stretch of the vaginal canal can be pleasurable, enhancing sensations for both partners. This isn’t about perpetuating insecurity—it’s about acknowledging the elephant in the room. It has become politically incorrect in some circles for a woman to admit that she wants a bigger penis. 

While a man has to know what to do with his penis, he needs at least a certain size to begin with. Yes, I understand that most women orgasm externally not internally, but don't tell me that internal orgasms are not possible and that they’re not a worthy goal. Confidence plays a critical role in sexual satisfaction, for both partners. Women are commonly getting breast implants and Brazilian Butt Lifts to feel better about their bodies so why can't men get bigger penises to feel better about theirs? It's time we said goodbye to this ridiculous double standard.

And that’s why I developed the BawaBig procedure—my world-renowned non-surgical method for penile and scrotal enlargement that increases size without the dangers of an implant, and boosts a man’s confidence. When you feel good about yourself, it shows in the bedroom, creating a better experience for both your partner and you. And while penis size is not the only factor when it comes to confidence in the bedroom, it sure increases a man’s BDE or Big Dick Energy. Listen to “Ep. 58 - The Secret Behind Big Dick Energy” for more on this topic.

Myth 4: A Woman Who Hasn’t Given Birth Vaginally Can’t Have a Loose Vagina

This is a very, very common myth. Women often tell me that they don't need any vaginal rejuvenation because they have no vaginal damage. When I ask them why they think they don't need any vaginal rejuvenation treatments they tell me that they had a C-section or that they never gave birth. Nothing could be further from the truth. While giving birth vaginally can do damage, it doesn't mean that women who haven't given birth vaginally have young, nubile, pristine vaginas as they age. Women also tend to think that if they haven't gone through menopause everything is OK. This is completely untrue. 

Perimenopause, the early stages of menopause, can last for years. A woman can be in her early 30s and already be experiencing perimenopause. There is no hard and fast rule for this. Every woman is different and every woman's experience with the transition is different too. Weak pelvic floor muscles can also cause this problem. Moreover, some women are genetically predisposed to having connective tissue disorders and their vaginal decline is different than that of the average woman. Many women orgasm less and less with age. Sadly, they consider this normal aging. Women tend to put themselves at the back of the line and they try to block out any thoughts that they may be candidates for vaginal rejuvenation. 

Frankly, most of them don't even realize what can be done to help, and that it can be done non-surgically. The medical community isn't really helping for the most part. Doctors aren't discussing this enough with their patients. When was the last time your doctor asked you about your sex life? And God forbid we discuss loose vaginas. I am all for feminism, but you've got to call a spade a spade. Denying it isn't helping anyone. On the flip side, I am literally bringing back orgasms and vaginal health one woman at a time at my practice Bawa Medical. I am different, and my treatment protocols are completely different. And remember, your consultation doesn't even have to be in my office. We can always discuss what is going on with you over a phone call or Zoom. 

Myth 5: Men Should Be Hard and Women Should Be Wet If They’re Into Their Partner 

Many think that arousal should always manifest physically as erections for men, and lubrication for women. This belief creates unnecessary pressure and guilt, especially when physical responses don’t align with emotional readiness. There are plenty of men who are wildly attracted to their partner but find it difficult to get hard or stay hard. In the same way, there are plenty of women who are wildly attracted to their partner but are unable to get wet. Unfortunately, their partner may not understand that this is a physical problem and not a lack of attraction. It is certainly not about them being unable to arouse their partner.

The first step to fix this problem is to understand that physical responses like erections and lubrication can be influenced by stress, hormones, medications, and more. They are not the sole indicators of arousal or attraction. Communication and patience are key because arousal doesn’t follow a script. From BawaWave to BawaRF to the BawaShot and more, the sky is the limit when it comes to improving your intimate health and therefore, your sexual response to your partner. The number one cause of erectile dysfunction is lack of blood flow, and that is something that is easily improved. 

Don't live your life as a slave to Viagra and Cialis. They are not fixing the problem anyway. Band-Aid medications are not your only option. Imagine fixing the problem itself. What a unique concept. And ladies, lack of good blood flow may not be as obvious in your case, but it is just as big a problem for you as it is for men. Don't live your life as a slave to lubricant, but let me clarify this for a second. Lubricant is a good thing but if you are so dry that you simply cannot have pleasurable sex without it or in some cases any sex even with lubricant, there's clearly a big problem or a series of problems that need to be fixed. Stop accepting a lackluster sex life as your fate. The time for change is now. 

Myth 6: Good Sex Just Happens Naturally If You Love Your Partner 

The idea that great sex requires no effort is one of the most damaging myths out there. It leads people to believe that if they have to work at it, something must be wrong. The solution is realizing that just like any other aspect of a relationship, sex requires communication, effort, and intentionality. If you’ve never openly talked to your partner about your desires or fantasies, now is the time to start. Great sex is built upon a foundation of trust and understanding, not guesswork. Also remember that what worked in the past may not necessarily work for your partner or you now because our bodies are constantly changing as are many of our preferences. 

For instance, a woman may need more lubrication and more clitoral stimulation than she did in the past because she has vaginal dryness and her clitoris has shrunk. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true. A clitoris can actually shrink over time, and so can a penis. So, your partner has different needs now than they did a decade ago, or even a year ago. While I've got the medical improvement covered for you, consider trying new experiences together, like introducing flavored massage oils into your foreplay or afterplay. How about a romantic getaway or staycation? You can even take inspiration from “Ep. 161: Raw & Unfiltered: What Brazilian Sex Hotels Can Teach You About Passion.”

Myth 7: It’s Normal to Stop Having Sex as You Get Older

This belief not only robs people of joy, pleasure and connection, it also perpetuates stereotypes about aging and intimacy. While aging can bring changes, it doesn’t signal the end of your sex life. Hormonal shifts, reduced blood flow, and psychological factors are common, but they are not insurmountable. At Bawa Medical, our world-renowned non-surgical treatments are setting the gold standard in sexual performance and pleasure enhancement. Treatments like BawaWave and BawaRF work to naturally restore blood flow, sensitivity and tissue quality, helping both men and women reclaim their sexual vitality. 

For both men and women, the BawaShot can address performance issues, and enhance sensation in ways traditional treatments cannot match. As I have said before, whether you believe that your best sex life is behind you, or you believe that your best sex life is ahead of you, you are right. I’d like to share the inspiring story of Jim and Cindy, a couple in their 70s who have been interviewed on this podcast twice. Their success story with our treatments has made news around the world, proving that love and passion know no age limits. Not only are they having more sex than people less than half their age, they’re having great sex twice a day… and sometimes they throw in a nooner. How did they get to this point in their 70s? Which treatments did they undergo at my office? Listen to “Ep. 133: Still Got It: Passion Without An Expiration Date” for all the details.

Myth 8: Viagra, Cialis, Trimix, and Other Drugs Are Necessary as Men Get Older

Many believe that medications like Viagra, Cialis, or Trimix are the only way for men to maintain their sexual function as they age. These drugs work by artificially dilating blood vessels and temporarily improving blood flow in the penis. However, they do nothing to address the root cause of the problem, which is usually blockages in blood vessels. And so, as those blockages get worse, these medicines tend to stop working.

Priapism—a prolonged and painful erection lasting more than four hours—is a serious side effect that can occur even if these medications are taken exactly as prescribed. Unless it is treated promptly, it can result in permanent impotence. During my years in the ER, I encountered numerous cases of priapism. Just last night I was on a TikTok live and a 61-year-old messaged me that he was prescribed Trimix by a clinic, and that he became hard but his erection would not go away. He took a shot to reverse it and when it didn’t work, he took another one. He fell asleep at this point and woke up to find his penis turning black. He then went to the ER. He has not had an erection since. Is his story a first? No. Far from it. And this is why addressing the root cause is critical.

The solution is a comprehensive approach to sexual health. At Bawa Medical, we offer treatments like BawaWave and BawaRF which clear blockages, improves blood flow and increase the number of blood vessels down there, not to mention more collagen and elastin production. Are they a form of penile and scrotal enlargement? No, they cannot do what BawaBig non-surgical enlargement does, but they are definitely helping a man’s size, not just his function. For women, BawaWave and BawaRF are equally revolutionary, rejuvenating the vaginal area internally and externally, keeping the tissues from tearing easily, improving natural lubrication, and enhancing sensitivity. And guess what? These treatments will also tackle urinary leakage. 

The BawaShot is also for both men and women, and stimulates tissue regeneration and enhances sensitivity. Add exosomes and Dysport or Botox down there and turbocharge things even more. And these are just three of my many specialized treatments. You can also benefit from my US-made and pharmaceutical grade Dr. Sex Fairy Supplements which are very effective in both men and women.

By addressing underlying issues like hormonal imbalances, circulation and tissue quality you can achieve a level of intimacy that far surpasses what traditional medications alone can offer, without the risks that come with them.

Your sex life isn’t just an important part of your relationship, it is a reflection of your overall wellness and happiness. By rethinking what you’ve been getting wrong and embracing the solutions available today, you can create a more satisfying, and passionate intimate life. And here’s a crazy concept. Imagine preserving your function and optimizing it without actually having a problem with it. Imagine undergoing my treatments to intensify your pleasure, not just rescue what’s left of your sex life.

At Bawa Medical, we are here to guide you every step of the way. Visit drsexfairy.com to learn more about our groundbreaking treatments and schedule your virtual or in-office consultation. While you are there, explore my line of Dr. Sex Fairy supplements. As I just mentioned, they are of the highest quality. They are pharmaceutical grade, and proudly made in the US to ensure that you get the very best for your health and wellness transformation. They are formulated to support your sexual health and overall vitality.

I also want to remind you to follow or subscribe to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast if you haven’t already. It ensures that you never miss an episode, and it also helps others discover the valuable insights I share here. If you enjoy this podcast, please take a moment to leave me a 5-star review. I read every single one, and your feedback truly means the world to me. Sharing this podcast with your friends and family is another way you can help me spread this important information and inspire others to transform their lives.

Follow me on Instagram @therealdrsexfairy and TikTok @drsexfairy for more tips, tricks and transformation. I will address more of what you’ve been getting wrong about sex, and how to fix it, in one of my upcoming episodes. Let’s keep the conversation going and continue breaking barriers in sexual wellness together. Remember, a fulfilling and joyful sex life is not something you outgrow; it’s something you grow into, with intention, care, and the right support. The only limits to your pleasure are the ones you accept. Until next time.